Revisions

Invisible
Once a day I wish I could
transform into something unseen
Something that could hide so easily
I guess you would call that invisible
Yes, I wish that I could be invisible
I could hide when you look at me
I could be gone when you mention me
Could you imagine you wouldn't need to deal with me
Lets say I could be invisible, what would I do?
Would I disappear when I was scared?
Would I hide when I didn't know what to say?
Yes, I think I would. You see
I wouldn't use this power for bad
No,  not at all I would use it to hide me
When everything gone wrong

Hanging On
I hate this life so deeply, almost as deeply as I love it
Everything that makes me numb
All those things line up one by one
They try to knock me down until I'm done
My emotions take over
Just when I think I'm done
When I think that the pain has won
Someone must have a plan
Because suddenly I understand
Things can only get better
There is no more room for failure
So I must succeed
Sooner or later
So I just keep hanging in there
Even when life seems unfair
Because someday there will actually be someone who will care

Morgan - very heartfelt work - I would work on adding imagery and sensory language to fill out these poems to their full potential.  You also had a good sense of rhythm and rhyme and these would be good lyrics as well.



Invisible
Once a day I wish I could
transform into something unseen
Something transparent and clear 
It would be like I'm not even there Something that could hide so easily
I guess you would call that invisible
Yes, I wish that I could be invisible
I could hide when you look at me
I could be gone when you mention me
Could you imagine you wouldn't need to deal with me
You could feel me go past your skin
but when you look to see who it is all you see is the empty space in the room
I could go away to be alone 
I wouldn't use this power for bad
No,  not at all I would use it to hide me
When everything has gone wrong

Hanging On
I hate this life so deeply, almost as deeply as I love it
Everything that makes me numb

Watching people walk away,

Listening to the beet of their foot steps fade away

When you notice you are in a room alone with none to care for you

When you notice its just you and your old dull, worn out blanket

All those things line up one by one
They try to knock me down until I'm done
My emotions take over

I look into the darkness and see nothing but fear, sadness, lonelyness

My tears fall one by one

They drip down my cheek to the dark floor

The rooms so quiet I can hear the splash when they hit the floor

Just when I think I'm done
When I think that the pain has won
Someone must have a plan
Because suddenly I understand
Things can only get better
There is no more room for failure
So I must succeed
Sooner or later
So I just keep hanging in there
Even when life seems unfair
Because someday there will actually be someone who will care

I think that the revised poems are better. I think that they are better because I used more imagery and now you can really tell what I'm trying to say.by adding more imagery the poems have more detail and seem more personal. I like how just by adding imagery, your poems can change so much.